GRANDMA? A Case Of Mistaken Identity!
by Unoriginality
Summary: A redhead turned pretty-but-stands-out white haired cute kid stands out. A lot. Really, what did Gourry do to deserve this? (Set in season one, right after the battle with Shabranigdo. Idea from my wonderful wife. Rating for some immature humor.)


Lina Inverse was a cute kid. A bit scary, and definitely still a kid, but Gourry liked her. She'd come up with a pretty lame excuse to stick with him after Atlas City, and he found he didn't really mind. He'd grown a bit fond of her, and she obviously got into a lot of trouble and needed a protector.

Well, maybe not, but the extra hand and sword couldn't hurt.

Besides, it was nice to find his match in appetite. He didn't feel so silly eating triple portions of everything anymore. Now the weird kid who wore her bra and panties outside her clothes (why'd she do that?) with him was just as bad. Worse, actually, but Gourry was not about to point that out.

Eh, she was a growing kid who threw out a lot of energy into that magic stuff she did. She needed the food.

Speaking of throwing out a lot of energy, her white hair was starting to get very confusing. Every time he so much as took his eyes off her to watch his step in the crowd or figure out which buildings were the ones putting off good smells, he had to take a second or third look to find her.

"Lina?"

"Right here, jellyfish for brains," she said, grabbing his shirt sleeve and giving it a tug. She'd never left his side, it looked like.

"Oh, hi!" Maybe good humor would keep her temper in check. Although she seemed like irritation was the most he was going to get from her, with as wiped out as she was from fighting that really big dark lord.

She rolled her eyes. "Gourry, how about you just let me do the looking, if you're going to lose me right next to you all the time."

"I'm sorry," he said. "It's the hair."

She pulled a lock of her white bangs down to look at it. "It'll change back."

Gourry liked how confident she sounded. He really didn't want to try to keep track of a white-haired sorceress everywhere. Or rather, keep her from being tracked. She found enough trouble with just her ginger hair, having such a recognizable feature would guarantee they'd never see peace again.

"You're sure?" He just... was checking. Really.

"I'm sure," she said. "I've cast that spell once before this. It did the same thing then, and my hair went back to normal. I don't think including the Sword Of Light's power into the spell would change that." She paused, causing Gourry to stop in his tracks. "I hope not anyway," she mumbled, and if his hearing wasn't so good, he wouldn't have heard that at all. Then she gave him a chipper grin. "It'll go back. I wouldn't be Lina Inverse without my lovely red hair!"

Orange, he thought, but orange hair counted as a type of redhead, so he wisely kept his foot out of his mouth. He was hungry, but not for leather boot.

He must've decided that he liked his leather boot deep fried, because the next words out of his stupid mouth were "or tiny breasts."

She kicked him in the hip, sending him flying. "I heard that!" she screamed at him as he disappeared into the crowd.

He landed with a hard thump that made the forming bruises from the fight that still had his armor busted feel sore. Okay, yes, remember to not talk about her tiny breasts. Stop forgetting that, stupid.

Getting up and rubbing his wounded and bruised pride, he picked his way back over to her. For the moment that white hair proved useful, made her stand out in a sea of black and brown and blonde, dotted with a few redheads here and there.

"Was that really necessary?" he demanded as he rejoined her.

"That's what you get for making fun of a woman about something she's sensitive over," she said with an indignant 'hmph'. "Now come on, I'm starving and then I wanna take a nap."

"That spell really took it out of you," he said as they resumed walking. She usually was all about getting back on the road after a good meal.

She zeroed in on a restaurant that advertised hot pot. "Some food and a bit of rest and I'll be back to normal," she assured him.

Despite the fact that his gold coins were going to sob hysterically at him for it, Gourry decided to be nice. "I'll pay this time, Lina," he said. "You did a lot of work today, saving the world and all that."

There were stars in her eyes. "Really?"

"Really."

She didn't quite prance into the restaurant as he held the door open for her, but she came close. Needing some rest his ass. She seemed just fine, white hair aside.

God, that was going to get irritating.

Lina actually went above and beyond to prove how loudly his coin pocket was going to cry at her appetite, ordering way more than her usual. Not only did she get everything on page one and in the appetizers, she got triple portion of page three.

He wasn't quite as bad, but he was bad enough, so at least his money was going to yell at him, too.

Gourry was pleasantly surprised that despite her energy that went into eating, she wasn't quite energetic enough to fight him about getting his food too, so her lack of manners aside, it was actually a peaceful meal.

Their waitress- a really cute girl with dark brown hair -appeared with the other two on shift that he'd seen wandering around when they were down to scraps to clean away the empty plates. "How would you like this bill split?" the waitress asked.

"I'm getting it," Gourry said.

The waitress beamed. "That's so sweet of you, taking your grandma out for lunch like this," she said. "Especially with your appetites." She glanced at the stacks of plates the other two were taking away.

Grandma?

Oh no. Please don't say you said that.

He shot a look to Lina to see if she'd heard that, hoping and praying she hadn't.

Her face was red and he could practically see steam coming out of her ears.

She had.

Oh, you poor, stupid waitress. You're cute, but not very bright.

" _Who're you calling a grandmother?!_ " Lina screeched, starting to get up. Gourry forcibly held her back to keep her from hitting the waitress. "I'm fifteen! _Fifteen!_ Don't go judging people by the color of their hair!"

The waitress had taken a few good steps back. "I'm sorry!" she said, spitting out a few more apologies as fast as humanly possible. "I'll bring back the bill, lemme just get these plates and leave you alone!"

It was amazing how fast someone could move with a stack of plates that high without dropping any. She'd left dust behind her.

Lina settled back down in her chair, but she was still blowing out angry huffs. "I save the world and I get made fun of for the result!" she grumbled, crossing her arms over her tiny breasts. "It's not my fault my hair's like this!"

No, but Gourry worried her age might be mistaken again with it. He had an idea, but he had to tread carefully about presenting it. "Lina, maybe we should just stay at an inn until it's back to normal."

"Should I be embarrassed by it?" she snapped.

Careful, Gourry, the wrong move might get a good fireball to the face. "No, no, not at all!" he said, holding up his hands in protest. "It's just that people can be really mean about weird things and maybe just doing all that resting you need-"

"Weird?"

"Well, white hair on a kid your age is kinda weird..." Abandon ship, Gourry, abandon ship. Shut up already.

Lina turned her head away, her face still red. Oh no, was she actually embarrassed? How to fix this, how to fix this...

Don't wanna abandon ship? No? Okay.

"Okay, not weird, but people point out things because they're dumb," he tried again.

"Which you would know all about." Her cheeks had puffed out in annoyance.

Hey. He wasn't that dumb. Although he frequently said things he regretted, that didn't mean he knew _all_ about being dumb. "You're being stubborn. You wanted to stay here awhile anyway, didn't you?"

She sighed, her natural facial coloration returning, but her brows were still furrowed into a frown. "I know," she said. "I wanna see what the Sorcerer's Guild here has."

The waitress came back, trying to keep as much distance between her and Lina as possible by stretching as far as she could to drop the bill next to Gourry. Lina's face went red again. The waitress took a step back.

Gourry pretended not to notice that Lina wanted to kill the waitress with the power of her mind alone and dug into his pack to pull out the money for the bill. He gave her a big tip, first for dealing with their ridiculous orders, and second to pay for any medical bills she was left with after Lina got done with her if he couldn't get Lina out of there fast enough.

"Change?"

"No, thanks."

"ThankyouverysorryMissIhopeyouenjoyedyourfood!" the waitress said in a big rush of air before sprinting to the back again.

In an attempt to calm Lina back down from the temper that had risen at the waitress's appearance, Gourry decided to offer her a dessert somewhere- somewhere _else_ -after checking his money.

"Lina, why don't we go get ice cream?"

Lina stood up and grabbed his shirt collar and dragged him to his feet. "You're paying," she said, pulling him along with her out the door.

Man, find one little thing about her that she's sensitive about and it takes a fortune in food and gold to calm her down.

Cute kid, but really, really dangerous.


End file.
